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Situations My Dad Pictured Me In While Giving Advice
June 2020, Co-written with Cara Michelle Smith
New Apps from the Developers of Find My Friends
August 2019
Iconic Movie Moments, Reworked for Corporate America
April 2019, Co-written with Johnathan Appel
April 2019
LIST: Alternative Names for Administrative Professionals’ Day
April 2018
5 Reasons the Subway Masturbator Is Your Soulmate
August 2017
A Happy-Hour Cocktail Menu Sponsored by Your Company Benefit Cuts
June 2019
Prayers to the Internet Algorithm Overlord
March 2019
Dystopian Satire
Headlines and Articles
‘Jolene’ And Other Timeless Songs About World War III
June 2019
Optimal Work Tasks For When It’s 3 PM And You’re A Human Infant
June 2019
How to Balance Your Government-Assigned Job with Your Government-Mandated Side Hustle
May 2019
I’m the Ex-Wife in an Autobiographical Film By Noah Baumbach, Writer of Madagascar 3
January 2020
Daily Itinerary of A Movie Character On Their Last Day As A 29-Year-Old
August 2019
Hi, I’m The Rom-Com Leading Lady Whose Entire Character Arc Is Orgasming
July 2019, Co-written with Allison Gasparini
Daily Itinerary Of The Lesbian Couple On The Coca-Cola Billboards For Pride Month
June 2018
I Wanted to Keep Things Casual, but I’m in Love with the Company That Funds My Research
February 2019
Drunk Texts Between Church and State
December 2018